Today

I went to my mother's house for the first time.  It was a good thing for me to do.  I fixed dinner for my brothers.  One had told me that dinnertime is so lonesome for him.  I swept and mopped the kitchen and dining room floors.  Putzed around, dug through a few things.  I am not really ready to do any major digging yet though. Actually, I felt a little like I was intruding in things that were not my business.  Things I had never seen and she had not mentioned.  I found one little mystery but I put it back.  I will look at it again, later.
I sat in her chair and smelled her, I cried, not as much as I thought I would though.  I am thinking I might go there once a week for a while.  Fixing dinner for my brothers is therapeutic for me too.  I used to have dinner ready when I would leave in the afternoon.
I miss her, I wake up every morning planning what I need to do for her on that day.  Then, I remember.

Finding Joy In

 Cousins who love each other.
Shaylene and Chelsea

Big sisters and baby brothers
Chelsea and Darius

The Springtime return of the Robin

A February snowstorm.

Riding the Ferry across Puget Sound to visit my daughters.

A boy making snow angles on Gramma's deck.
Darius James



And in HE who makes all things possible.

Just cannot get used to it.  Clicked over here to my blog, see her beautiful smile and I dissolve into a mess of tears.

February 21, 1921 - February 13, 2011

Good bye Mama, you deserved so much more.  Now He has given it to you.  Enjoy your Eternal Rewards.
We sang the Hymn I'll Fly Away to her.  As we finished, she breathed her last breath.  I think she was trying to escape our out of key singing.

It is 6:50 A.M. Saturday February 12, 2011

The Dr. should be in within the hour to remove tubes and machines from my darling Mama.  I spent the night in her room with her.  One of us is with her all of the time.  If she survives the removal of the tubes and machines, we will keep her here for a couple of days to stabilize her and then take her home.  She dearly wants to die at home in her own bed.

Blogging mood

Sorry I have not had that much to add to the mix lately.

On Monday, my precious mother suffered massive aneurysm. It affected her entire left front lobe.  As the nurse told me, it is where she lives.  It is all of her.  Today, the Doctor told my sister that we will probably have to make a decision by Sunday.  I spent all of this afternoon at the Funeral Home making the arrangements.  Almost $12,000.00 later, it is done. Fortunately, she and daddy purchased their plots about 43 years ago.

The sad thing is that I was about one hour from the hospital and my brother, who arrived ahead of me, did not know she had a directive on file.  He signed papers for treatment for her, which included surgery and now breathing for her.  I could have rescinded his signature since I am her POA, but at that point, I was afraid family would then accuse me of taking her life when maybe it could have been saved. It is very difficult when there are 10 very emotional siblings involved.  I try to make decisions that will please everyone, yet respect her.

In my private thoughts and prayers, I know that all of the decisions that have been made, God was in control of.

I will just wait for Him to manifest Himself through it.  Our family is diverse.  Believers and non-believers.

Catholic and non-Catholic.  My brother is a Priest who is in a cloistered order in New Jersey.  I am hoping he will be given permission to come home. He has asked, but has not been given an answer.

On the 21st of February, we were going to celebrate the 90th birthday of this amazing woman.  We will celebrate, maybe just without her.

By the way, my mother has in excess of 100 direct descendants. 12 Children, two who preceded her, grandchildren, great grandchildren and two great great grandchildren.  When We All Get To Heaven, What a Day of Rejoicing That Will Be!!!

Love you Mama, and it does not matter how old a girl is, she still needs her mom.

I found this on another friends Blog. Sad thing is, I relate far too much