Friday, January 18, 2013

I have not been a very steady blogger

for the past 18 months.  Life took me down a road I did not want to travel. The journey ended on Wednesday January 9, 2013 at 1:17 A.M.  I know many others have traveled this road as reluctantly as I did. I hope if you have not, you never have to.
She was my fourth child. My Kristina Colleen.  Krissy Colleen, Krissy, Kris when she became a woman.
What an amazing woman she was.  She loved with a fierce loyalty of a mama grizzly.  Her faith was lived every day. She was a living breathing testimony of her faith in Jesus as her Savior. It never faltered.  Even in the final days when the pain was so bad she was in complete agony. She took only enough drugs to dull, never kill the pain.  She wanted to be in control, she wanted to know what was happening around her.  She wanted to be able to respond to her husband and her two boys when they came into her room. She did not want to miss a moment of her time with them.
This summer she made the decision to quit Chemotherapy. The Dr. told her it was no longer working. She decided she wanted to feel as good as she could and enjoy her last few months with her kids. They played as hard as she could. They camped and explored.  She had been working on a 1964 Datsun pickup before she got too sick to do any more.  Her husband worked every spare hour he had to get it on the road so she could enjoy it. She could be seen tooling around her town in her cute little green machine.  They took it to a couple of shows where she always took away a prize. As her health deteriorated she set two goals. She wanted to see her youngest son reach 16 and get his drivers licence.  He did that in November. She also wanted to see her eldest son graduate from the University in December. At 20 years and 5 months he did.
She managed to hang on through Christmas, even going to a Christmas Party with friends. On the morning  of January 8th she awoke and asked her husband to help her with her toilet and to change her clothes and brush her teeth.  Once they finished, she settled into her recliner and slipped into a coma that she never recovered from.
I had made arrangements to move over and stay with her as we knew her time was very short. It did not work out that way though.  I went over on Thursday and spent Friday with her. I returned to my home on Friday night for the weekend. Intending to return to her home on Monday morning.  The thought was that I would not infringe on their special family time but be available during the week so her husband could go to work.  On Saturday, I became ill myself and was flat for the entire weekend and Monday and Tuesday.
When we got the call on Tuesday that she had gone into a coma, I was laying on the couch barely able to move myself.  What a hard decision.  I knew her home would be filled with her friends and my going over would possibly spread my germs. BUT MY DAUGHTER WAS DYING  and I had to be there.  I went. Adrenaline kicked in and I was able to stay alert and awake to the end with her. She never woke up but the Dr. said even though she could not respond, she could hear. I was able to tell her how much I loved her and how much she would be missed.
Her sister Tricia lives in a village in Alaska.  Accessible only by air. The flight from Anchorage alone is four hours, not counting the time it takes to get there and then make connecting flights.  Earlier she had told Tricia that she would wait so she could be there too. She waited.  She held on so Tricia could also say goodbye. It is amazing what the human spirit can do. Her brother was there in the afternoon and two of her sisters got there just as she was pronounced.
We held a Celebration of her Life on Tuesday this week.  What a celebration it was!! The head count was anywhere from 470 to 500 people in attendance. A testimony to the person she was.  Her one request was that the Gospel be shared in such a way that no one leave the church without knowing the truth. I know there were some who went in as non believers. I pray many of them left as believers. That would be the culmination of a life lived in complete faith in Him.
Today, she is holding her baby brother Jeffery Matthew and probably sitting close to her Grandma while she watches her Special Aunt Meg sing and dance down one of those streets that are paved with gold.
The hole in my heart is enormous, sometimes I think it will never heal.  I know it will...........but it will never truly be the same. I have to continue God has much for me to finish and in honor of my Kris I intend to do so.


Therese said...

What a beautiful testimony to Khris's life Evy. I am so sorry for your loss and will keep you all in my prayers.

Nancy said...

Evy, my heart aches for you! I'm so sorry that your dear Kris suffered so much. Thank you, for sharing her story...for sharing your precious daughter with all of us. I can honestly say that I wished I had known her. You are a very special person and I know that God is present with your family right now in a special way. You are loved and you are not alone.

Anonymous said...

Evy-what a beautiful tribute! She is such a woman of faith, as are you! I have no doubt that she flew to Heaven to be with our loved ones-I would like to think my Mom and Dad were there to welcome her with open arms. Your family is made of some pretty strong stuff! The suffering Kris endured has surely been testament of the saving grace of Jesus. My Mama offered up her suffering so none of her grandchildren would lose their faith. Kris has done the same. I do believe that she will bring believers out of this. Love you!

Adrienne said...

A beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman. My prayers for your daughter and her family.

Homestay Mama said...

A wonderful post, Evy, and a beautiful tribute to Kris's life. My heart aches with you in your loss, but we know this separation is only temporary. Hugs, dear friend.

Sharon said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Evy! Lovely tribute to your beautiful daughters. You and your family are in my prayers.

Roslyn said...

You are right Evy, the hole never heals over it is always there because they take a piece of us with them when they go. We learn to live with the broken chain and eventually in God's time, we find joy again.
"More and more each day we miss you, friends may think the wound has healed,
But they little know the sorrow lies within our hearts concealed,
Always a silent heartache and many a silent tear,
But always the beautiful memories of one we love so dear".

Tammy said...

Such a beautiful tribute to your daughter. I am so sorry for your loss. It is completely understandable that even now you are still grieving and missing her. I am so happy that she was able to see her boys reach the milestones they did. My boys are 18 and 15 ... so of course, your post touches me deeply. This is the first time I am visiting your blog and now I am in tears. In a good way. God bless you and your family, Tammy


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