In 2008, I made a trip to Tanzania. While I was there, I met a Great Man of God, who devoted his life to sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with everyone he met. He was in need of a building and I promised to do what I could to help. Knitting for Tanzania is my attempt to help him build a church building. All profits from sales of my knits go directly to help with his building project.
You can visit Knitting for Tanzania by clicking here or on the Picture of Mwene and his wife on my sidebar.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
A month ago
One week passed, two, three, four. Each week a tiny bit easier. I quit crying myself to sleep every night. I quit crying at every thought or mention of her name. I did not quit crying completely, but it became a little easier to make it through the day.
Tonight Stan and I were at a dinner with a group of friends that we get together with every month. As we ended our evening, we were praying for healing for some in the group. It tripped some sort of switch, I had a complete and total melt down. I prayed for 18 months for healing, it did not come!
Please, friends, know I do know the truth. I do know of His saving Grace. I do know my beautiful daughter is no longer in pain or suffering. I know all of the platitudes and the answers. I know how blessed I am to have raised 6 children to adulthood. I know I have enough healthy beautiful grandchildren to populate a small village. But tonight none of that knowledge is enough to fill that huge gaping hole in my heart.
Kris is not the first child we have lost. We also had a son, Jeffery Matthew. He died in my uterus after I took a very nasty fall down a flight of stairs. Ironically, I was carrying Kris in my arms and as I fell, I turned my body to protect her from injury. That action resulted in Jeffery's death. He is always with me too. There is a special place in one's heart for those children you never had the privilege of nursing at your breast or cuddling up close to and drinking in their sweet baby smell. I counted the minutes, the hours, the weeks, the months and eventually the years. I can know it does eventually get easier. I know there will be a day that Kris comes to mind and I will smile at the memory someday..............
Right now, at this very minute. As I type these words, it has been exactly one month since Kris slipped into eternity. I will continue to count the weeks until it has been two months, three, four, five...........
Some day the hole will close up just a little, the tears will not flow at every mention of her name, at the thought of praying for healing for someone else when he did not heal her. Someday.........................
Until then, please bear with me. I have so much to process