I'm not much of a country music fan, in fact when I hear it, my hair stands on end and I usually bellow out a great big TWANG! But there is one song that has given me plenty to think about.
Tim McGraw - Live Like You Were Dying
I'm not much of a bucket list kind of person. Sure, I have made big plans for my empty nest years. I want to ride motorcycles all over the USA. Fly somewhere on a whim with my sister. Learn to scuba dive. Travel to Nepal with my brother-in-law. Hike the Grand Canyon. Go to a white sand beach. White water kayaking......All that seems so trivial now.
I totally believe that if God chose to He could completly heal my body. I believe that He wants me to ask Him to extend my life. I believe that He wants His best for me. I believe he will answer my prayers. The answer may be yes. The answer may be no. I believe He is faithful and regardless the answer, worthy of my praise.
My reality on this day is that I am dying. (I don't know how I could hurt this much and not be.) So, how am i going to live while I am dying? I want to hug my husband and both sons, my parents and each of my sisters, my brother, and my friends and tell them what they mean to me and how much I love them everytime I see them. I want to make new friends and feel my heart grow. I want to declare that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, that I do not fear death. Whether it be sooner or later, I am looking forward to Heaven.
Tuesday at 10AM I will be having a CAT scan to find out if the chemotherapy is working. I will have answers Wednesday.
Please keep me and my family in your prayers. Though we know the truth about our eternity it is an emotional rollecoaster, and none of us are experienced at dealing with our emotions.