Saturday, October 30, 2010

Such a week!!

It has been a long emotional week.  On Tuesday my mother had some sort of a spell.  She kept going in and out or reality.  She never lost her conscienceness, but she would just leave reality for a while.  My sister called me several times during the morning.  Finally at about noon I went down to check things out.  We were almost all there. We were really pretty sure that we were telling her goodbye.  She rallied during the afternoon and by today she was nearly back to her normal.  She was very talkative when I arrived this morning. Gina brought the kids down and made lunch for us.  It was a nice diversion from the day.  Fettuccine with broccoli and zucchini.  She had told the kids that Great Gramma was getting ready to go to heaven and they needed to go see her one more time.  Poor Caleb had a little trouble making up his mind to come down.  It finally came out that he thought he would have to stay there and watch her die. It was good for them to see her and see her on one of her better days.  It would have been bad for them to have seen her on Tuesday.  As the day went on, she became more quiet and by afternoon she was very tired and slept most of the afternoon.  Waking and sleeping throughout the afternoon.  She has also had the crud that I have, which really wears her down.  I know how bad I have felt all week, so it is not hard to imagine how she feels.
I also had to fill out her directive, take it to the Dr. for his signature and pick it up today on my way to her house.  I showed it to my brother and told him where I was going to store it.  He read it and then walked down the driveway to his truck.  I watched him for a while and realized he was crying.  I went down and held him and we cried together.  He told me he felt like I had just signed our mothers death warrant.  I  told him I knew exactly what he was saying because I had said the same thing to one of my daughters while I struggled with filling it out.  I my heart, I know the right choice was made, but it was still very difficult.
I talked with another brother yesterday and he told me that mother has been hearing dad call her.  He has been gone for 20 years now.
I am still fighting with the crud.  I usually get it every winter and finally get over it by spring.  I am thinking I will need to get my prescription for my inhaler refilled.  Maybe I can be lucky and it won't hang on as long.  It would be nice.
On the fun side, I have decided to buy new dishes.  The kids bought me a set about 10 years ago, but they are all chipped and nasty looking so I made the executive decision to let them go and get new.  I bought two place settings of brown Fiesta ware this week.  I love it!!  Tomorrow I am going to go buy at least three place settings in cinnamon and one more in brown.  I would also like to get a gold color if I can find it.  Right now it is on sale for 40 percent off and then I also have a 20 percent coupon to add to it.  Can't beat that one.  The cinnamon matches the color of my kitchen wall exactly.  I bought a small bowl and brought it home to check.  I did not want to buy a complete set and have to return it.  Now I am ready to go back and make the plunge.
I really am glad to see this weekend.  I do still have two more days to do on this weeks Beth Moore study, I think I will get them done.


Anonymous said...

keep strong Evy, you are managing a heavy burden with grace. Love and prayers, your English pal, xxxxx

Becky said...

My heart goes out to you, Evy. May you feel God's peace, love & comfort at this time.

Anonymous said...

I have been down this road, Evy, and it is not an easy one. I am praying for all of you, and will continue to. I wish I were there to give you a hug! Love you!

Frizzy and Bird said...

Your mother put you in charge of her health care because she knew she could trust you to do what's right and what she would want. She knew it wouldn't be an easy decision but she also knew you could handle it. You are so brave and strong and tender hearted. Please know I am with you and your family during this time. I love you all and am so sorry you're having to go through this. Please give your mom a hug from me too.

Anonymous said...

Hey Evy,
I totally understand what you are going thru, you know I have been down this very same road with my mom. Your mom put you in charge because she knows you can handle this. God knows you can handle this too. You are a very strong lady and I know you can do this too. When you are with her, and you start to feel over whelmed (sp) or anxious you need to walk into another room, take a few deep cleansing breaths, say a little prayer for added strenghth, and let God carry you. This worked for me. Believe me when I say your mom can sense the way you feel. You don't want your mom to feel this. You mentioned that your mom could hear Dad calling. This is normal. My mom told me that my Kevin was sitting next to me, there was nobody else in the room but me.
It does sound like your mom is rallying. When people are near to leaving those that they love, they usually wait until everybody is there that need to be there, and sometimes wait to hear them say "it's ok or I'm going to be ok". It's like giving them permission to "go"
who knows she may be around for another 6 months or even a year. Just cherish her, and talk with her like she is your very best friend.
My heart goes out to you and as I am writing this my eyes are all fiiled with tears as I remember 6 years ago when I was in this very same spot.
I love you and have hugs whenever you need them. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Feel free to call me anytime day or night.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Evy. I'm sorry you are going through this when you feel so cruddy and lacking in energy, yourself! You are doing the all right things, though, so I know you won't have any regrets. What a testimony to your family--I'm sure they can see the strength of the Lord in you. I will keep you in my prayers. Sending love from Houston.....Homestay Mama.

gayle said...

Thinking of you!!!


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