Thursday, May 14, 2009

I am

crabby and teary eyed tonight. I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and not come out for about six weeks. When I do, it will be to go to Disneyland and have fun. Not to worry about mother and her pain management. About if she wants to quit and give up. If I am ready to bid her goodbye. If I want to field all of my siblings questions and opinions about how best to care for her. To continue to manage her money and be responsible to siblings about that. To convince her that she still needs outside care, that it is more than we can do alone or together. Granted, I am not doing it alone. I have one sister who also goes two times a week and covered for me when I was sick even though she was dealing with big issues in her own immediate family. Another sister who comes every Wednesday, her day off from work and another who comes every Saturday, her day off from work. My brothers are around all weekend and often during the week, so this is not a burden I am carrying by myself and I know they are all overwhelmed at times too.
I think the biggest thing right now is that we are thinking she may be too dependent on her pain meds. Does that matter at 88 years?
Maybe she does not want to continue. Is it selfish to want to keep her here? She has not had a luxurious life and maybe she just wants to rest.
Does she want to talk about it, or should we continue to skirt the issue as one brother wants us to do because he does not like to see her cry. Like I do!!!
I think it is time to be ready and help her make decisions that need to be made. It now is not the time, good, at least we have the hard stuff done.
Oh God..........just beam me up!


Greywolfe said...

I feel for you, I truly do. It is a problem that my wife and I dealt with on a daily basis. That lasted for 6 years until my Mother-in-law had a debilitating stroke. She lost the use of her right side and we lost the ability to care for her.

She is living in a nursing home now and still my wife frets about her care. She (mother-in-law) too has given up. She's in her 70's and like your mom, hasn't had the easiest time of it.

I think that you need to make sure that her wishes are carried out the way she wants, and that will require you to talk to her about her situation.

Also, I feel through your posts that God is very important to you. I also feel that you have been going through a tremendous battle with yourself in trying to maintain a balance in your life. I would like to suggest that you take a few days off from your mother's care and dedicate it to God. Just spend a weekend or so reading the passages that bring you peace and pray. Just try hard to connect with Him and put everything else down for a couple of days.

You batteries are almost dead. Emotional and spiritual energies need to be replenished just like the physical energies you eat and drink to maintain.

Maybe I'm off base, but this is where my spirit led me. God bless you and yours.

Homestay Mama said...

Evy, Greywolfe is right! You need a physical and spiritual R&R!

Hugs, dear friend.

Dawn said...

I think Greywolf got it right as well. Your suffering with your mom is indeed redemptive. By caring for her in her time of need you are honoring her. Sometimes we get so busy in what we are doing and we feel like we cannot get away, there is just too much to do and if we want to get away there's too much to coordinate so we can. Just remember, even the Lord took time to pray, before every major act in His life, He put some disciples in charge and He went off to pray.
I will keep you and your mom and sisters in prayer. Blessings!

Glenda, saved by grace said...

I lost my Mama a year ago yesterday. Just prayerfully consider everything you do. God is right always and will guide you.
I'm praying for your family!

Therese said...

Truly I know what you are going through...just continue to ask the Lord to guide you in what is best and you cannot go wrong. Praying for you, today and always! Love you!

Sarah said...

You have my prayers. You do not have to be strong, just lean on the Lord. Take a break. It's okay to do that. Some times you have to call in a babysitter . . . just like when the littles were little. It's recharging you need.

Katidids said...

Evy E mail me off list when you have a chance...Lots of prayers your way and a cyber sholder to rest on

LisaLisa said...

First I must say you have a WONDERFUL BLOG! I do understad everything you are going through with your love one. As a retired hospice nurse, homecare nurse I have seen how taking care of a love one can become so stressful.Sometimes it's good to just step back and breath...for God knows everything that we need. As our parents become older we tend to become selfish in not understanding what they are going through. Love her to the fullest,remind her of the good old days,laugh a while these are the most important things in her life right now .

May God Bless Upon You And Your Family!!!

Diaz Howard said...

Hi Thanks for sharing.

I find something interesting as well:

Pautlitz Blog said...

I have not had to deal with this yet but I remember when my grandma was in the hospital for heart failure.

THe doctors told her she could have blood transfusions everyday and live another 10 plus years and she refused. She was tired from being a mother and a wife that did everything. She was a very religious woman and she just wanted to go home and be with her Father.

It took only two days for her to pass and as she was leaving I think she was trying to say goodby. I know she is rested and perfectly happy now. She was so excited to be with the Lord.

I will pray for you and your family during this time.


Julie said...

All I can say is that I am so sorry. I am praying right now for you to have strength and peace and wisdom. Hugs!!!

Henya said...

This is hard. My Mother is caring for my Grandma now, who is fairly healthy, but lost her eyesight. Not easy at all.
All I can say is that when My Great-Grand-Ma, was ready, she told my Great-Aunt - "I am tired, I miss your Father..." She just slept for the next three days and quietly sleeped away. She was 96 years old, and a widow for over 50 years. She was a very strong woman.

Debby said...

No words to say but I am praying for you, "that He will do abundantly more than we can ask or pray". One of my favorite verses because He is able to do just that.

Karen said...

I also think that what Greywolfe said, makes a lot of sense.

I think that first and foremost, you need to take care of YOU ! Because if you are not okay, then you are not going to b able to cope, or make the decisions that need to be made or be there for your Mum.

I think that as women, especially women in our age group, we are so busy trying to take care of everybody, that we forget to take care of ourselves.

It took me a long time to figure that one out and it's still sometimes hard to remember that I also have needs.

I think that you also need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your siblings and other family members. They may simply not realise how exhausted, emotionally and physically, you have become. They may be so used to looking at you as the strong one ... the one who they can depend on.

Can you also sit down with your Mum and ask her what it is she really wants?

I so feel for you and I will be keeping you in my prayers..

PS ... You should definitely think of joining in with 'Skywatch Friday', it's such a fun meme and you get to meet people from all over the world !! There are also some other fun ones out there, like 'Watery Wednesday', 'My World Tuesday' which I'm entering in next week and 'Mellow Yellow Monday'. This might be one of the things that you so for yourself :-)

And if this helps, I'm sending you a *BIG HUG* from one Gramma to another :-)

Kim H. said...


I am adding you to my list of people to pray for. I feel like there are so, so many good people out there carrying such heavy crosses right now. Keep hanging in there. And know YOU are making a difference.


Anonymous said...

Hi... just happen to cross your site...

Im planning to go to Tokyo or Hong Kong Disney this Christmas. Hoho and I found some stuffs from Hong Kong Disneyland here as well:

I will definitely take tones of photos there!!!


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