Friday, July 15, 2011

I have not blogged for a while

I find it very difficult to write anything right now.  This is my "fluff" blog.  It is where I chronicle all of the happy of being a mother and a grandmother.  It has been kept, for the most part, pretty ,safe, free from really private and heart wrenching matters.  Families all go through things, but we usually do not put it out in Cyber World for everyone to see.
My family is going through something.  Not infidelity, not job loss, not a major move, but the very real possibility of one of us leaving this world sooner than she should.  Losing my mother was expected.  She was 90 years old.  She had lived a very full and rich life.  With her is the realization that she was going to die, we were prepared.  Everyone wants to keep their loved ones forever, never wanting to face the reality of death.  Losing my daughter is the hardest thing God has ever put into my life.  I cry, I scream inwardly, I beg, I pray.  I find comfort in Him to only begin the cycle over again.  I think of my friends who have lost a child. I wonder how long it takes before they begin to function again.  Do they ever function on the same level they used to. Is there a huge void forever?  People say you will heal, but do you really.  Yes you go on with life. You have to, others are depending upon you.  Much as you may want to, you cannot withdraw, you cannot quit.  People get hungry, the house gets dirty, the laundry must be done, yes, I know life goes on.  I know He is in control.  I know that even when she was in my womb, He knew at her conception how long he would leave her here on the earth before taking her to her heavenly home.  I know all of that............We are suppose to rejoice when a Saint is called home.  Why am I not doing so?

7 comments:

Therese said...

Oh my dear, Evy, how my heart aches for you and your family right now. I hate that dreaded disease with a passion. I wish there was something to do. We are continuing to pray, without ceasing. Love you!

diddleymaz said...

Evy, as you know I have lost an adult child so believe me when I say ,you will get over this if you want to.
Its not just a matter of time but if we are willing to move on with life or stay and wallow in grief .
Its now more than 5 years for us since Geraint died, and I choose to go forward with life. We remember the good times but even today there are some things that I can barely stand to hear or see,things that are asscociated with the manner of his death, but for his sake and ours we cope, we live!
Blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted.
Yes they will, if they are willing to be comforted.

Lindsay said...

♥♥♥♥

Tatersmama said...

Evy, you know what I've been through... and you and I both know that we every one of us deals with things differently. There's no magic formula, and no way of even anticipating how hard it's going to be, but with God's enduring love and support, we can eventually come out the other side.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, my dear, dear friend...
xoxoxoxo

Karin @ 6ByHisDesign said...

I don't know 'Mama. And I'm sorry you're being given the role of asking them. We love you.

<3 <3 <3

Diabra said...

My spirit grieves with you. Prayers are being offered up for your daughter, that she may have many, many years of good life. Abundant life. Hugs to you.

Julie said...

I have been gone for a while at our English camps and not around too much internet, and not enough time to read blogs. I am just catching up on yours and I wanted you to know that my family is praying for you and Kris! Even though we haven't met in person, your family is dear to me and I was so blessed by you all praying for Eli. It is our privilege to pray for you and your daughter who also prayed for our son! Hugs

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