I find it very difficult to write anything right now. This is my "fluff" blog. It is where I chronicle all of the happy of being a mother and a grandmother. It has been kept, for the most part, pretty ,safe, free from really private and heart wrenching matters. Families all go through things, but we usually do not put it out in Cyber World for everyone to see.
My family is going through something. Not infidelity, not job loss, not a major move, but the very real possibility of one of us leaving this world sooner than she should. Losing my mother was expected. She was 90 years old. She had lived a very full and rich life. With her is the realization that she was going to die, we were prepared. Everyone wants to keep their loved ones forever, never wanting to face the reality of death. Losing my daughter is the hardest thing God has ever put into my life. I cry, I scream inwardly, I beg, I pray. I find comfort in Him to only begin the cycle over again. I think of my friends who have lost a child. I wonder how long it takes before they begin to function again. Do they ever function on the same level they used to. Is there a huge void forever? People say you will heal, but do you really. Yes you go on with life. You have to, others are depending upon you. Much as you may want to, you cannot withdraw, you cannot quit. People get hungry, the house gets dirty, the laundry must be done, yes, I know life goes on. I know He is in control. I know that even when she was in my womb, He knew at her conception how long he would leave her here on the earth before taking her to her heavenly home. I know all of that............We are suppose to rejoice when a Saint is called home. Why am I not doing so?