Friday, July 29, 2011

Coming home on the ferry this evening.

Mt. Rainier.  Looking Southeast from Kingston across the sound.  Seattle skyline visible also.

I want one of these!!

East and west bound ferries passing in the sound.

The Spokane headed west to Kingston.  I rode this ferry to Edmonds.

Kind of hard to see, but there are two little seagulls here.

The western sky shortly before sunset.

Another view of Mt. Rainier.  From the ferry this time.  It is one of Washington's very majestic mountains.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The past week in a nutshell

I have been spending some time with Kris.  It has been a very heart wrenching journey. I must say first how proud I am of this daughter of mine.  Her faith never waivers.  As I was lying on her bed one evening holding her hand, bawling my eyes out, she kept reassuring me that it was all going to be OK.  I know in my heart of hearts it will all be OK.  I know that all that happens is by His design.  Sometimes I argue with myself about which outcome is to win this war.  If she dies, she has won the final trophy, Eternity with Jesus.  If she lives, she has won the battle against cancer for the short term.
When I arrived at her home on Wednesday of last week, I was just in time to accompany her to her last radiation treatment.  They were hitting the largest spots, trying to give her some relief from the pain.  There is no possible way to radiate all of the hot spots in her body.  In excess of 100.  On Thursday she went to the hospital to have a port inserted under the skin on her chest.  She has started calling it Chester.  It is in the upper right side of her chest with a tube attached directly to her jugular vein. On Friday she had to have a tooth pulled.  The only one she has ever lost as an adult, except for her wisdom's. That in itself was quite traumatic for her. It had an infection in it that the dentist thought would heal itself, but with the discovery of the Cancer and the need to begin Chemo, the infection had to be gone before they could proceed.  They decided the fastest course was to pull it as antibiotics would take too long. When I left her on Friday, she was quite out of it and remained so most of the weekend, I am told.  Needless to say, I bawled again as I drove out her driveway and down the freeway. Quite a dangerous thing to do.
I returned to her home on Wednesday of this week to find her sitting at the table with friends, smiling, joking and playing cards.  What a blessing to drink in the beauty of that smile. She has been up most of today also, spending time with her amazing church family.  There seems to be someone here all of the time.  I am truly in awe of their love.  They have also signed up to bring dinners to them every night (nearly) of the week.  I say we truly have enough food here to feed a small third world country. I will go back home tomorrow and try to return again next Wednesday.  However many hours she has left with us, I want to experience as many as I can without intruding on their private family time.  I do recognize that the family needs to have time to be alone with one another during this period also. Her esophagus is burned quite severely from the radiation.  It makes it very painful to swallow anything at all.  Each day shows a little improvement there, but she still has not eaten anything solid for a week. Well, almost.  I guess she forced herself to eat a piece of toast on Saturday.  She told me today her new jeans are too big for her.
She will be going to the Oncologist on Monday.  They will then map out the Chemo treatment.  She does know that she will have to take a pill daily and a cocktail weekly.  They just have to decide on the strength of the cocktail right now.  The Dr. did tell her that he will keep her pain free.  He also told her that she will have to do Chemo as long as she lives.  He told her he has a patient who has been on Chemo for 20 years.  We will see if we have the same results for her.  I wonder if her friends are willing to provide dinners for the next 20 years:)   Tomorrow night she plans to go play Farkle with some of her friends.  Her first outing since she has been diagnosed.  A good sign, I would say.
So, I end this little composition with my heart felt thank you to all who have prayed and are praying for her, her husband and children, and all of us as we travel this path we did not choose to travel at this time.

Monday, July 18, 2011

If you want to see more of this,

You have to go here: because I accidentally posted on the wrong blog and am to distracted (lazy) to fix it.

Friday, July 15, 2011

I have not blogged for a while

I find it very difficult to write anything right now.  This is my "fluff" blog.  It is where I chronicle all of the happy of being a mother and a grandmother.  It has been kept, for the most part, pretty ,safe, free from really private and heart wrenching matters.  Families all go through things, but we usually do not put it out in Cyber World for everyone to see.
My family is going through something.  Not infidelity, not job loss, not a major move, but the very real possibility of one of us leaving this world sooner than she should.  Losing my mother was expected.  She was 90 years old.  She had lived a very full and rich life.  With her is the realization that she was going to die, we were prepared.  Everyone wants to keep their loved ones forever, never wanting to face the reality of death.  Losing my daughter is the hardest thing God has ever put into my life.  I cry, I scream inwardly, I beg, I pray.  I find comfort in Him to only begin the cycle over again.  I think of my friends who have lost a child. I wonder how long it takes before they begin to function again.  Do they ever function on the same level they used to. Is there a huge void forever?  People say you will heal, but do you really.  Yes you go on with life. You have to, others are depending upon you.  Much as you may want to, you cannot withdraw, you cannot quit.  People get hungry, the house gets dirty, the laundry must be done, yes, I know life goes on.  I know He is in control.  I know that even when she was in my womb, He knew at her conception how long he would leave her here on the earth before taking her to her heavenly home.  I know all of that............We are suppose to rejoice when a Saint is called home.  Why am I not doing so?


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